Review on latest events

1. I finally decided to go for confirmation. And….after a large amount of sweat, tears, and little bit of blood I passed the Qualifying Examination and conferred to be Phd candidates with a good feedback on the presentation. Phew… I think I start to understand more about God’s providence, some of the results were only generated pretty late, about 4 days before the confirmation. The timing of patent filing is also match well with the presentation, thus make my project looks “better”. I forget to take picture after my presentation though 😦

2. After confirmation has finished, what is next? I am preparing for a conference presentation and manuscript. My first piece of work will be published. Yay!! I am a bit worry though since I am afraid I don’t have enough time to gather more data and make it good. Work hard again!!

3. I am picking a new and long delayed hobby, photography! Will post some of the pictures soon. I have not gone to the extend of buying expensive camera with superb quality though. I still want to improve my skill first and we will see how later.

4. Secretly, I am longing to have more time for doing figure skating. This hobby is pretty expensive, but if I want to be really serious, I better start now before it is too late.

5. I and two Phd mates are going to Mount Bromo tomorrow. I hope we can relax and I can enjoy my trip back home. 🙂

Confirmation

After a pretty long period of down time, things starts to get better nowadays. I have decided to give confirmation a try. The journey of writing the report itself has been a good experience to me. I found out that by writing, you actually able to define the problem more and make you think of a way to solve it.

I also like the improvement in communication that I have with my supervisor during writing of my confirmation report. Eventhough the expectation for confirmation report is way higher than FYP report, I feel more and more challenged to improve my report until my professors said that the report is fine for confirmation. Yay!! I start to understand the working style for my supervisor. I find that his guiding type is actually suitable for the students who have known more about the technique and the project itself because he’s very creative and innovative in solving problems. However, if you are a new student who doesn’t know anything about the project, most likely you will feel like thrown into a deep pool without being able to swim because he won’t teach you systematically how to obtain your result step by step.

Other thing that make me happier is because I stop telling myself that I need to graduate in this and this year. It’s not helpful. I think what could be helpful is smaller research goal that will lead you to achieve a certain goal that I have set. For example, I want to publish a paper in three or four months. I start to make a timeline what are the things that I want to do to achieve that goal with what I have at this moment (I really hope I can publish :P)

Thankful

I feel really thankful today. In recent days, I have felt in quite a bad mood due to confusion of either converting to master or just keep on doing Phd.
With my lack of ability to make crucial decision, it has somehow turned out to be rather unhealthy. I realized that I focus too much on myself. I have tried various way to distract myself from this nudging thought yet they are unsuccessful.

Nevertheless, I feel thankful to God that He has given me the chance to hear someone sharing his life experience. It started with a simple question from me to a fellow Phd student. I ask whether he worked somewhere else before he did his Phd. He said yes, but before he start schooling. I thought it was after his senior high school, but turned out it was after his junior high school and he worked for several years.

I don’t know whether it’s common in other country, but somehow I feel ashamed. I should have been thankful to be able to go to school all the way from primary school to university. Even that I can do Phd until now is actually a big blessing, despite my keep-on questioning-whether-this-is-right-or-not for me throughout.

So, no conclusion yet, no decision yet. But I feel thankful for everything that has been happened so far 🙂

Courage

Do I have the courage to cut the ties to something that I know I won’t like forever?

Do I have the courage to dissapoint people with my decision?

Do I have the courage to leave what I perceived as worthy at this moment?

Do I have the courage to face uncertainties due to my decision?

Do I have the courage to resist the temptation of perceived good future that is offered?

At last, can I payback the money or not??? Hahaha..

The last chapter?

I am not sure if this is going to be the last chapter in my current postgraduate life. After thinking through, asking various people and get information, I have been almost 80 % convinced that I will terminate this Phd candidature. The rest 20 % is due to financial matter, whether or not I still can work in the project, etc.

The project is going okay. We start having budding results that could lead to one-two or maybe three publications next year. It’s pretty surprising that I found myself more convinced to leave after we got some good results compared to when I am still struggling to get them. Maybe this is just an ego matter and paiseh matter as well. =.=

The reason why I decide not to continue the Phd are both career and personal causes. At this moment, I see that doing Phd is not inline with my planned career but inhibiting it instead. Therefore, I think it’s a better decision to graduate with Master degree and start to equip myself with what are necessary. If I need Phd in the future, I don’t mind doing it again for sure. It could be fun 🙂 However, I wish that I still can do the project for some times to publish and fulfill the bond. The financial side could be settle easier as well if I am still permitted to hold the same position. 

Will talk with my Professor tomorrow and see how it goes…